Tickets, Romance, and Wood Ducks: A Tale of Seduction

By: Nathan Rogers

They elegantly cut through turns like a needle weaving beautiful Murano lace.  Tight grip.  The competitors press close, the hot breath of their finely tuned machines exhaling as they increase their activity.  Turn.  Turn.  Jump.  Bright colors flash.  

Like most people, you probably thought this was a description of a super romantic Argentine Tango.  In fact, it is a description of a Supercross race, the most devilishly romantic motorsport on earth, and one that is often underappreciated as a type of experiential aphrodisiac.  

You might be surprised to hear that but don’t be.  The evidence backs it up!

9 out of 10 women surveyed in a study I just made up said that supercross bike fumes made a dude look more attractive. In fact, in the same made up study, given a smell test of exhaust fumes vs. leading cologne brands, all 600 made up women selected the supercross bike fume smell as the “sexiest” smell for men.  These statistics certainly support the argument we are trying to make.

In addition, in many animal species, the male has some brightly colored “outfit” to attract female mates.  Take for instance the Wood Duck, the Peacock, and the Cardinal.
Image result for male wood duckImage result for male peacockImage result for male cardinal
Beautiful.  Now, some of you may say that these are all birds, so it is irrelevant.  But evolutionary theory says that humans evolved from birds and are basically 99.99 percent genetically the same as Wood Ducks, so the argument holds.  That part is not up for debate.  Now, given that this is true, what could be as innately and perhaps subconsciously attractive to a potential mate than this—

Image result for supercross

Pretty much nothing.  Look at those colors!  Wow!  The Peacock has nothing on Supercross.  If you really want to get the natural romantic juices flowing in your date, the brightly colored supercross suits are basically the evolutionary equivalent of a bright and beautiful plumage on the butt of a peacock.

Further, what is a more romantic earthy substance than dirt?  Trick question–the answer of course is nothing.  The most romantic of all bands, Florida Georgia Line, has a song called Dirt, which I am pretty sure is all about a fondness for “red rose clay”.  David Spade, who I think was once Time Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, didn’t win an Academy Award for his role as Joe Dirt, but he was close.  Let me say that again, the super sexy character was named Joe D-I-R-T.  People love dirt.  When someone is being very seductive and romantic, they are called…. Dirty.  Exactly.  A Nielson survey from 2009 that didn’t take place asked women and men to rate whether they were more attracted to soccer players who played on indoor surfaces or outdoors on real grass.  The fake results were staggering.  Nearly 93% of respondents said that the players who played on the outdoor surface were more attractive.  The reason, not surprisingly, was the presence of dirt stains on clothes and dirt on the skin.  The survey didn’t happen, but the results certainly speak for themselves.

I’m sure most readers have heard the phrase, “Its not the size of the boat that matters,” and I know most of you think you know how the phrase ends.  Wrong.  That version was created to be funny.  The actual real phrase was, “Its not the size the boat that matters, because a boat is only cool if you don’t have a supercross bike.”  Supercross bikes are cool.  Being cool is sexy.  So supercross bikes, and by logical extension supercross events, are decidedly sexy.  

heartboxtickets.png

Finally, and perhaps most obviously, people love getting tickets.  A recent study commissioned by Fanfare Tickets shows compelling evidence that tickets are the best gifts.   In a blind survey, Fanfare Tickets employees were asked, what is the best gift people should get for their significant other for Valentine’s Day.   An overwhelming 96.4 percent of Fanfare employees answered “Tickets.”  One person put the new best-selling spy novel “Two Goats, a Cattle Prod, and a Coffee Filter,” and one other left the answer blank, apparently misunderstanding the question.  Such an overwhelming consensus does illustrate the popularity of giving event tickets as a gift. 

By combining the mellifluous purr of the engines, an alluring aroma of exhaust fumes, the seductive dance of brightly colored competitors, the sensuous earthiness of dirt, the inexorable coolness of the machines themselves, a supercross event makes the perfect romantic event to combine with the super romantic act of ticket gift giving.  You’re welcome.  Feel free to name your “supercross baby” Fanfare.

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